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By: Josh
- Misunderstood circus clown collapses under weight of 5-year-old’s expectations.
- Area copier mooned.
- Area negro eats family-sized bucket of stereotypes.
- Girlfriend gives local bar goer Pabst Blue Ribbon, ultimatum.
- Dork can’t make it to party because of tractor beam.
- Local outdoorsman smokes salmon, weed.
- 8-year-old vows to keep hiding spot secret, dies.
- Thrifty rapper opts for white gold grill.
- Competitive trance dancer raises the bar, roof.
- Tie-die workshop sparks conversation, herb.
- Kevin Costner mauled by wolves.
- Gap-toothed loser eats beer can.
- Nike breaks into horseshoe market w/ release of ferrous oxides.
- Winged horse all local douchebag talks about.
- Study: cream of mushroom soup provides no halucinations.
- Darigold releases carbonated mega milk w/ apprehension, taurine.
- Incorrectly placed question mark left with only questions.
- Civil War reinactment still sucks.
- Origami making dork buys ream of paper.
- Fat jobless loser stuck in rut, door.
- Sloppy heffer slaughtered, cooked and fed to sloppy heffer.
- Flippin moron cracks tooth on trailer hitch.
- Chris Brown hits top, girlfriend.
By: Donny
- Headline plays it ‘fast and loose’ with grammatical structure.
- Incomplete sentences in news headlines linked to comma shortage, government steps in.
- Obama takes accusatory swipe at racist fly.
- As the world turns, clock keeps ticking.
- Area man’s teeth almost noticeably whiter.
- Sen. Clinton to mediate talks between God and Oprah.
- Delusional and fat found to be common amongst American Idol contestants.
- Taylor Hicks to remain insignificant, poor.
- Cardboard: the next housing boom.
- Wide angle lense captures entire thumb.
- Michael Jackson’s imaginary friend remains missing.
- Local Circuit City closure provides much needed eyesore.
- Local baby unable to put amazement with toes into words.
- Area man’s joke dies, is buried beneath thick layer of bitterness.
- Octomom signs deal for 6 tv shows, wants 8 more.
- Coke sues Pepsi over rights to diabetes.
- Local conspiracy theorist mistakes UFO discovery in photo as someone who gives a crap.
- Unsuspecting victim should have suspected.
- Bowel loses a bunch of crap in move.
- Short angry meathead drunk again.
- Subway’s Jared gains 40 lbs, reason to look for new job.
- New government bill to ok hasty, poor planning for future government planning.
- Emo kid stops crying long enough to die.
- Primitively fashioned tool found to be a stick, waste of research grant money.
- Quarantined siamese twins sick of each other, on each other.
- Google maps finds Jesus.
- Small dog mistaken for cute.
- Dam cleared for upstream demon spawning.
- Local dog mistakes butt for lunch.
- New lake house filled with possibilities, a-holes.
- Corn rethinks its role in poop.
- Bono imagines a better world, wardrobe.
- Angelina Jolie donates lower lip to Smithsonian.
- Jonas Brothers get their picture taken.
- Chicks in boat search shoreline for unrealistic romance.
- Irony found to be cause of fan blown over in windstorm.
- Hungover partygoers wish they could remember if they had fun last night, will try it again tonight.
- Andy Samberg found dead on a m*&$#r f%^(ing boat.
- Guy still has bowl cut, no girlfriend.
- Mayonaise spill causes traffic, artery jam.
- Angry prick yells at person who didn’t do anything, sucks.
- Physicist has stroke of genious, dies smarter than most.
- Dick Van Dyke trips on couch, acid.
- Stabbing pain is knife wound, serious.
- Agitated Mormon can’t bring himself to smile.
By: Nik
- Area Cable man expected between the hours of 8-5pm.
- Rappins spending plan to include different brand of 24″ rims.
- Actor Kevin Bacon goes green, craps himself and lawn.
- Bay area local suspected of being gay.
- Seattle parking meter ticketed for loitering.
- Music superstar Usher purchases last year’s model mercedes to reduce carbon footprint.
- Chaos insues after tension holding holding cloud confronts another, thunder.
- Baseball superstar Alex Rodriguez steals 3rd base with Jonas Brother.
- Young ambitious Mexican flies to America in the back of truck.
- Family carpet arrested for manslaughter, could no longer take the abuse.
- Keystone population enraged after police failed to apprehend retarded fugitive.
- New Star Wars movie is a huge hit, Vader picked up by his mother after the movie.
- Los Angeles bro remembers Pearl Harbor, bong.
- Area track star gunned down by police.
- Confused teenage criminal runs from authorities, posessive girlfriend.
- Dick Van Dyke trips over couch, disillusion of talent.
- Seth Rogan gains new movie role, chin.
- Jimmy Fallon sets the bar of humer in the Straight-to-DVD genre.
- Fedora hat angered in its obvious affiliation with douche bag.
- V neck T-shirt accused of insisting upon itself.
- Man’s moustache commands attention, ridicule.
- Blind man asks for directions, given map.
- Gossiping toilet claims to have s*%# on everyone.
- Risk tournament holds high expectations, losers.
- Keebler elves roast s’mores with area stoner during acid trip.
- Iron deposit discovered below Silicon Valey deemed ‘ironic’.
- College dropout attributes his unsuccess to an elementary school kick ball game he was not allowed to participate in.
- Meth addict kicks bad habit for drugs.
- Area hustler turns seventeen sevens in a row with domino tile.
- Train station employees commence strike to end the destination double standard from airliners.
- Colors red and blue finally admit to purple that it was adopted.
- White trash skeptic hospitalizes himself, wife.
- Jimmy Fallon’s fame continuing to ride on fame of Horatio Sans.
- Conan O’Brien paid $10,000,000 to screw up Tonight Show.
- NATO hearing deems Africa large, pretentious, and growingly uninteresting.
- Local woman plans family vacation, husband plans escape.
- Mediocre actor overlooked for role, life.
dcaff206
