By: Nik

  • Area Cable man expected between the hours of 8-5pm.
  • Rappins spending plan to include different brand of 24″ rims.
  • Actor Kevin Bacon goes green, craps himself and lawn.
  • Bay area local suspected of being gay.
  • Seattle parking meter ticketed for loitering.
  • Music superstar Usher purchases last year’s model mercedes to reduce carbon footprint.
  • Chaos insues after tension holding holding cloud confronts another, thunder.
  • Baseball superstar Alex Rodriguez steals 3rd base with Jonas Brother.
  • Young ambitious Mexican flies to America in the back of truck.
  • Family carpet arrested for manslaughter, could no longer take the abuse.
  • Keystone population enraged after police failed to apprehend retarded fugitive.
  • New Star Wars movie is a huge hit, Vader picked up by his mother after the movie.
  • Los Angeles bro remembers Pearl Harbor, bong.
  • Area track star gunned down by police.
  • Confused teenage criminal runs from authorities, posessive girlfriend.
  • Dick Van Dyke trips over couch, disillusion of talent.
  • Seth Rogan gains new movie role, chin.
  • Jimmy Fallon sets the bar of humer in the Straight-to-DVD genre.
  • Fedora hat angered in its obvious affiliation with douche bag.
  • V neck T-shirt accused of insisting upon itself.
  • Man’s moustache commands attention, ridicule.
  • Blind man asks for directions, given map.
  • Gossiping toilet claims to have s*%# on everyone.
  • Risk tournament holds high expectations, losers.
  • Keebler elves roast s’mores with area stoner during acid trip.
  • Iron deposit discovered below Silicon Valey deemed ‘ironic’.
  • College dropout attributes his unsuccess to an elementary school kick ball game he was not allowed to participate in.
  • Meth addict kicks bad habit for drugs.
  • Area hustler turns seventeen sevens in a row with domino tile.
  • Train station employees commence strike to end the destination double standard from airliners.
  • Colors red and blue finally admit to purple that it was adopted.
  • White trash skeptic hospitalizes himself, wife.
  • Jimmy Fallon’s fame continuing to ride on fame of Horatio Sans.
  • Conan O’Brien paid $10,000,000 to screw up Tonight Show.
  • NATO hearing deems Africa large, pretentious, and growingly uninteresting.
  • Local woman plans family vacation, husband plans escape.
  • Mediocre actor overlooked for role, life.