By: Donny

  • Headline plays it ‘fast and loose’ with grammatical structure.
  • Incomplete sentences in news headlines linked to comma shortage, government steps in.
  • Obama takes accusatory swipe at racist fly.
  • As the world turns, clock keeps ticking.
  • Area man’s teeth almost noticeably whiter.
  • Sen. Clinton to mediate talks between God and Oprah.
  • Delusional and fat found to be common amongst American Idol contestants.
  • Taylor Hicks to remain insignificant, poor.
  • Cardboard: the next housing boom.
  • Wide angle lense captures entire thumb.
  • Michael Jackson’s imaginary friend remains missing.
  • Local Circuit City closure provides much needed eyesore.
  • Local baby unable to put amazement with toes into words.
  • Area man’s joke dies, is buried beneath thick layer of bitterness.
  • Octomom signs deal for 6 tv shows, wants 8 more.
  • Coke sues Pepsi over rights to diabetes.
  • Local conspiracy theorist mistakes UFO discovery in photo as someone who gives a crap.
  • Unsuspecting victim should have suspected.
  • Bowel loses a bunch of crap in move.
  • Short angry meathead drunk again.
  • Subway’s Jared gains 40 lbs, reason to look for new job.
  • New government bill to ok hasty, poor planning for future government planning.
  • Emo kid stops crying long enough to die.
  • Primitively fashioned tool found to be a stick, waste of research grant money.
  • Quarantined siamese twins sick of each other, on each other.
  • Google maps finds Jesus.
  • Small dog mistaken for cute.
  • Dam cleared for upstream demon spawning.
  • Local dog mistakes butt for lunch.
  • New lake house filled with possibilities, a-holes.
  • Corn rethinks its role in poop.
  • Bono imagines a better world, wardrobe.
  • Angelina Jolie donates lower lip to Smithsonian.
  • Jonas Brothers get their picture taken.
  • Chicks in boat search shoreline for unrealistic romance.
  • Irony found to be cause of fan blown over in windstorm.
  • Hungover partygoers wish they could remember if they had fun last night, will try it again tonight.
  • Andy Samberg found dead on a m*&$#r f%^(ing boat.
  • Guy still has bowl cut, no girlfriend.
  • Mayonaise spill causes traffic, artery jam.
  • Angry prick yells at person who didn’t do anything, sucks.
  • Physicist has stroke of genious, dies smarter than most.
  • Dick Van Dyke trips on couch, acid.
  • Stabbing pain is knife wound, serious.
  • Agitated Mormon can’t bring himself to smile.